Hangin' with homeschoolers

If you know me you know I'm a pretty social person. So it's probably kind of strange that we have spent little time with homeschool groups in the past twelve years. That's not to say that we don't have friends who are homeschoolers, lots of them are, but we see them individually, not as part of a group.

We haven't felt like we needed the group experience. The kids never really seemed to enjoy going. They have their friends and we don't need a group for field trips.

For the past five months I have been teaching a world history and geography class for a group of homeschoolers. This is the first time in years that we have regularly been around a group of homeschoolers. I have enjoyed getting to know the kids and some of the moms. It is a pretty laid back bunch. (They have to be to deal with my crazy ADD style!) The boys are making friends and really enjoying the new contacts. It makes me think that maybe we should try again to find a group.

The good life

This is one of the weeks each year when I feel particularly joyful about homeschooling. The weather is fabulous. It is perfect for riding bikes, playing basketball, doing some planting and planning for next year, going to a park, picking apples, and just being alive.

That's what my kids are doing this week.

The rest of the neighborhood kids are taking the ISTEPs. The ISTEPs are Indiana's standardized test given in the fall to test what was learned the year before. It is a week of testing that holds way too much power over the fates of individual schools.

Many teachers see problems with the ISTEPs. They test the past year's learning, so the first weeks of school are review. Many schools spend tons of time teaching to the test. They are expensive and time-consuming. They are one of the many ways that good teachers are boxed in and controlled.

And our kids don't have to take them.

Instead today they went to Greek. In the car we talked about world politics and economics and Greenspan's new book. When we got home they did a spontaneous recitation/reenactment of a childhood favorite book, Where the Wild Things Are. After lunch they'll go outside. Heavy time in the books can come on the cold rainy days that are coming.

For now I'm going to grab my boys and head to the park.

Better than you

Back to Mrs. Teacher:

I have had responses to Mrs. Teacher running through my mind off and on for almost a month. Some of the things that she said gave me insight into reactions that I've gotten from people who were not as outspoken as she. Some of the things she said fall into the category of nutty.

I'm not even going to worry about the nutty, like us taking up room in a good school district. But I am sure that she is not alone in some of her thoughts.

Do I homeschool because I believe that my children are smarter than other children? Anyone who knows us or who has read my account of our beginning this adventure knows that that isn't the case. We began homeschooling because of the difficulties that our oldest son was having. We continued because we liked it.

Homeschooling is wonderful for kids who don't fit the mold. Bethany would have continued to thrive in school, as she did from the beginning, because she fit the mold. She is a girl. She read early. She had no trouble sitting still. She is a visual learner. She is compliant and wants to make people happy.

Boys automatically have one strike. And Patrick had more than that. He didn't fit the mold.

We homeschool because we want to do what we believe is best for our children, and we can. I believe that God has given me the job of being the mother of these four people, and it is up to me to decide how best to accomplish it given our abilities and resources. For us, homeschooling is a big part of raising our children and doing this job.

Does that mean, as Mrs. T. opined, that we "judge" parents who choose public schools for their children? No. Some of my best friends have their kids in school. (grin) Are there some homeschoolers who do judge other parents? I have no doubt, since there are some homeschoolers who judge other homeschoolers for not doing it "right." I believe that each family needs to decide, based on all of the variables that exist in their family, what is best for their children.

More misconceptions

Before I start talking about the misconceptions about homeschooling that I posted about last time, I have to add some more that I ran into today.

I go, once a month or so, to a place where I can prepare a number of meals for the month very quickly and reasonably-priced, while leaving the mess behind. This morning as I was paying for my session the very nice lady who owns the store asked if I had kids home from school yet. When I told her that we homeschool she said, "Oh, I could never be that disciplined. We have a hard time getting the homework done."

Later, two other women came in and as we were all assembling our meals and chatting about our families, the owner mentioned to them that I homeschool. "I could never do that. You must be so organized, " said one. "There would be blood all over our house. You must be so patient," added the other.

Those of you who know me well can get up off the floor and stop laughing now.

I bet that if you asked my friends and family members to list the top ten traits that I have, disciplined, organized, and patient wouldn't even show up. Disorganized and impatient would probably be near the top.

And yet we survive. We actually thrive.

I wish these mothers, good mothers who volunteer at school, have their kids' friends over, and are trying to hold together the family dinner time against all of the pressures of life, could see what homeschooling can do for family life. Of course getting homework done is a battle. They've been at school all day. They rightly think that eight hours should be enough! One of the moms today said something about her son's attitude. We have seen wonderful changes in the attitudes of kids who come home. She might be amazed at how much better she likes him after six months at home.

It is the second day out of school and at 10:30 this morning one of these children who was at home vegging in front of the TV was calling her mom saying that she's bored. The mom is trying to plan events to fill the summer with activity--camps, lessons, classes--to get the kids "out of the house." I wanted to say, "Just live." Cook together. Clean together. Do some crafty projects. Go to the park. Lay on a blanket in the backyard and watch the clouds.

Then you might get a glimpse of what it can really be like to be a homeschool mom.

The offense of homeschooling

Over the next several postings, I want to address some of the doubts, questions, and misconceptions that others have about homeschooling. Before I do that however, I want to tell you about a conversation that I had last week.

I've been running into more negativity about homeschooling lately than I have in years. I've been trying to figure out why, and I think I may have been given a clue.

"I find that offensive." That's what Ms. Schoolteacher said to me after I told her that we homeschool.

I was going to ask why, but it wasn't necessary. She gave me an earful.

• How do I presume that I can teach my children better than trained professionals?
• Do I assume that my children are smarter than other children?
  
• How dare we judge parents who put their children in public school?
  
• My children are going to be an anti-social burden on society.
• It's not fair that homeschoolers can be in the spelling bee (!!!) because they can spend more time practicing.
• They won't be able to function in college or the work force because they won't be used to getting out of bed.

• If I'm going to homeschool I shouldn't take up space--and presumably shouldn't pay taxes--in a good school district.

Yep, I'm probably helping pay her salary.

There are so many false assumptions in what she said that addressing them will take a number of posts, but I just wonder: How prevalent is this kind of thinking?

Carnival of Homeschooling

The Carnival of Homeschooling is up at The Lilting House. I haven't joined it for ages, but I joined it this week because of my extreme desire for unity the the homeschooling ranks.

I know that there has been an issue with a post being censored because the host didn't like the rest of that blogger's blog. But it has also been agreed that that person will not host again. I have always been impressed with the diverse views in the carnival, and the only way to keep it that way is for a variety of people to submit.

I can understand why non-Christian homeschoolers often feel overwhelmed by the number of Christian homeschoolers. I can understand why there is animosity and frustration, because of both homeschooling history and continuing exclusion. But, in my opinion, withdrawing into your own walled enclave doesn't make any more sense to me than they do.

And, yes, I am a Christian and I am a homeschooler, but I have never been comfortable with the dominant element in Christian homeschooling circles, preferring instead the company of those who prefer mixed company.

Gimme types vs. cooperation

I had a comment on my last post that really deserves a post of its own in response. I see a definite difference between what the commenter is talking about and the "gimme" types and I want to clarify.

Beth states that in Illinois homeschoolers can join in individual classes at the local schools if they are not full, and that her child has taken several classes in this way and that she has developed a good relationship with the school. That is great! I'm all for that kind of cooperation if it works well for your family.

In Indiana it is up to each school to determine what calsses homeschoolers can take.The reason we haven't pursued such an arrangement is that our needs haven't been of the academic sort--or we have instead gone the route of taking college classes-- but I have known people for whom it has worked nicely. One of our younger sons has been invited to take part in music activities at a local school and has done so.

Beth says:

I'm not quite sure why you call homeschoolers who feel that their kids could benefit from these things 'gimme types'. Homeschooling is not just about keeping the kids away from public school, but doing what is best for each individual kid.

As Beth says, homeschooling is about doing what is best for each child. The kind of arrangements that she is talking about aren't the things that we're seeing people asking for that I call the "gimmes." Just a couple of concrete examples are in order:

Recently we have had discussion on the IndianaHomeschoolers email list about homeschoolers getting money from the state since we don't use the schools. The suggestion was that they give us a debit card to use for educational materials. When it was pointed out that this might mean some oversight of homeschooling or some definition in Indiana code of what we do, there were a few people who felt that it would be worth it to sacrifice homeschool freedoms for the money. (And I think that these people forget that the childless and older people don't use the schools either and still pay. The abolition of universal mandatory funding for schools is a different issue.)

Another suggestion was that the state should pay for our kids to take achievement tests. When it was pointed out that the state might then ask for some kind of accountability or begin to require testing, that was okay with them. They didn't care if other homeschoolers didn't want testing; they just wanted someone else to pay for theirs.

Then there's the issue of sports. High schools sports eligibility in Indiana is decided by the IHSAA. Member schools must abide by the rules in order to participate. One of these rules is an enrollment and attendance rule. There are parents who think that they should be able to opt out of the public schools, but that their child should get to play on athletic teams anyway. These enrollment and attendance rules protect against all sorts of abuses in competetive high school sports. Any exceptions for homeschoolers would open a huge can of worms for the IHSAA and the backlash against homeschoolers would be huge.

There are choices we make when we decide to homeschool. There are a tremendous number of benefits that we realize from homeschooling our children. But there are also opportunities we give up. Even schooled children have trade-offs and choices. If you don't join the French Club, you can't take the club trip to France. If you want to be in a top marching band you give up a good portion of your summer freedom. When we chose to homeschool through high school our daughter gave up the opportunity to play varsity soccer, but for us the trade-off was worth it.

We can't always have everything our way. And I still have a problem with homeschoolers who want to pursue gain for themselves at the cost of homeschool freedoms for everyone else.

A new breed?

A post that I read at Mom is Right has gotten me thinking about something that has really been bugging me lately. There seems to be a growing group among homeschoolers who have the gimmes.

Most of the homeschoolers that we have known over the years--numbering in the hundreds, if not thousands, of families--have just wanted to be left alone to educate their children in the way that is best for them. They've banded together with other homeschoolers to create opportunities for group activities and support. They have understood that in leaving school behind they were potentially giving up some benefits.

The new breed that we're seeing likes the idea of homeschooling, but they often want help. Many of them think that they should get money back because they aren't using the schools. Some think that although they have opted out of having the schools teach their children they should be able to take part in the activities that they choose like sports or music groups.

And they don't care if this isn't the best thing for homeschoolers. They don't care if it brings more regulation. They don't care if hard-won freedoms are lost. They just want what they want.

Sometimes we all have to make tough choices. The choice to continue homeschooling through high school has meant fewer opportunities for our oldest son. In an ideal world sports wouldn't be tied to school, but they are, and it's a choice we made. My son having the opportunity to play high school sports--and he is good enough--is not worth chancing a loss of freedom for other Hoosier homeschoolers.

We could all use a little more money. But if it comes at the cost of testing and curriculum requirements then we've lost far more than we've gained.